Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Relationship 101
I have been a bit perturbed as to the qualities one should give priority to when getting into a relationship.
Its very easy to 'fall in love'. In truth there's nothing complex about the fusion of emotions we so readily describe as 'love'.
A guy meets a girl or vice versa, immediately they feel a need to imprint on you. There's attraction, chemistry.
You can't help it, you start spending time together and before you realize, a relationship ensues.
There's usually no time to discover who truly the other person is.
You get so enthused about it and one day you realize, there's no depth to the relationship. Its shallow!
All you guys do is hang out, sms, call and perhaps have sex, yet you can't get your mind on what's missing. You begin to ask yourself, 'when did he ask me out?'...lol, you were probably to carried away to realize you both just metamorphosed into it.
I found this bio on a dating site, and I appreciated the dude's sincerity.
He wrote;
' A little about me'...
"By "casual relationship" I do not mean casual sex. I am not looking for a "f-buddy" or "booty call" or anything of the sort. I am looking for a lady to be friends first. I could be like a lot of brothers on this site and feed sisters b.s. about wanting a "serious relationship," then play the role until I get the goods, then bounce, or continue to dog her until she figures out the game. Not me. I am not trying to do that. Sex is important, but at this age I'm at the point where I want a whole, full, "grown-up" relationship with a woman whether it involves sex, or not. In any case, sex takes place between the ears, not between the legs. I have to be into a woman from the neck up, before any other part of her anatomy. In my humble opinion, before any relationship can be solidified into something real, I believe we have to be friends first. So, don't be confused or put off by my "casual relationship" stance. I just want us to get to know each other on a friendly level, and if it goes further, then so be it. If not, then at the very least we will have made a friend. We can never have too many friends.
Peace."
Perhaps, you have been here as I also have been.
It just gets to the point that no matter how fun it all seems, you know that there is no substance.
What then should you do?
1.There's no escaping the reality of your relationship, if its working out just like you want it, you can help solidify it. If it's not what you expect, it would be a lot wiser to put an end to it, before you keep hurting yourself emotionally.
2. Before you enter into a new relationship, you have got to define why it should happen. Is it a 'finders-keeper', (anybody you fancy, you date) or 'get committed'(short or long term). Whichever you decide, it's okay.
3. Take it slow. Its best when we become friends first before embarking on the journey. Its true that some people meet their spouses in a day and they get caught in a whirlwind romance. Different strokes for different folks. Just in case yours doesn't happen that way, choose to be strategic and highly intentional about the development.
4. Learn about each others aspirations, visions and dreams. This way, you not only have a name to the face, but you also know the heartfelt desires of your significant other. There are many 'relationships' where communications are almost non existent, they never seem to talk about anything futuristic. When you know the plans of your partner, it's easier to share deeper insights and thus improving your relationship.
5. Have a tradition. Do something together. Just for you both, a special day at a particular time. Preferably, something you repeat monthly. This helps tighten your bond of friendship and intimacy. It also depicts the level of value and commitment your partner places on your relationship. It could be anything from going out on a date on a particular week day, or praying together once every month.
6. Respect, Love and trust.
These I cannot over emphasize. This will completely distinguish and put your relationship on a higher pedestal than the average relationship where anything goes. I see a lot of couples who fight and quarrel, agreed, it seems even better after the make-up *winks*. Its true that at a certain age, a guy or girl enjoys the chase of going for a bitchy girl/cocky guy who seems outspoken, sexy, confident because he/she doesn't give a damn and isn't afraid to say what's on his/her mind...but only because they are still immature and their hormones are raging, so anything could go, this kind of life, I leave it for the adolescents.
(This is where deciding the purpose of the relationship, comes to play.)
If you are in it for a commitment, you know better than to act trashy. Respect, love and trust your partner. Old fashion values never get stale or out of date.
I hope you have found some hints helpful. Suffice to say that, your ability to loyally work around the challenges you encounter in your relationship will pave the way for lasting peace and trust in your love life.
Yours sincerely.
Ehjeerho
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